The Storm After the calm

At last came the first day of my daughter’s school. I pulled myself up with all the mental arms & ammunition as if going on a war. She didn’t seem to be much aware of what was going to happen & seemed to be fascinated with the bag-bottle stuff, the new dress & the snaps being clicked, she was enjoying to be the center of attraction which I guess she has got so used to it by now. The school came & just when I was ready for the pulling & yelling, surprisingly she went quietly with the ayah. I was literally shocked because this was the least I had expected, but in my heart I was very happy that I escaped the emotion of a bad mama leaving my daughter crying & blah..blah…When I went to pick her up I was told she cried just for a little while in between & then she was fine. But that didn’t bother me much after all I was saved from a big storm so this seemed to be very nominal.

Everyone was calling & checking on me how was her first day grandparents, his brother(7yr old) came back from school & was very excited to know, after all he had dutifully given a big lecture to her-- how to behave in school. Most of all her dad who had to be out of town to miss all the reactions. He was feeling very bad for missing ‘The Day‘. But job is job. I was feeling equally bad for him. For the first time I guess I had all my sympathies for him & was very please to be a housewife. I don’t have to miss any of my kid’s activities. Anyways I was gladly telling everyone she was very brave & on & on…….

Now came the 2nd day & after the calm came the storm. So now she understood what happens--Mama leaves me there--How dare she? So just when we entered the lane of her school she literally warned me---”Aanya’s school--- I go there---I will cry” And the school came & she kept her words, she cried-- she yelled--she howled----kicked did everything that I thought I had escaped.

Kids generally go from worst to worse to bad to good, my case was the opposite, it seemed to be going from good to bad to worse. The 3rd day, in the morning she got up & declared,-”I am not going to school”, in the manner --really threatening me. If you dare, get ready for the consequences. But I being a brave Mama I did dare to dress her up & then came the volcano, out went the shoes in the air & landed on the bed, the hanky, the bag & she lay flat on the ground. Just touch her & a bomb is ready to burst.

Finally I had to lie- left me with no other option. “Lets go & get the chocolate from mam & come back--won’t stay there“. So we reached school & the same episode to see that mama was going back from her words.

Today was the 4th day, at last the storm seems to have calmed a bit but can’t say about tomorrow. She always acts the unexpected. Keeping my fingers crossed & hoping she settles down fast.

Prethoughts of Preschool

Tomorrow is my daughter’s first day to school & I am having butterflies in my stomach. I don’t know how she is going to take it, how I am going to take it. She is my 2nd child so its not as if the situation is new for me, I have already faced it. Leaving my 2 yr son crying or rather howling at his full pitch & coming back was a torture for me as well. I remember my son as a very hyperactive child, he kept me on my toes 25hrs a day. So his going to preschool for a mere 2 hr seemed to me a relief. I planned out my schedule quiet enthusiastically. How I could finish off the important chores & then go for some reading, some surfing etc…. but when I came home & opened the door & that was it. The house seemed so empty & I didn’t feel like doing anything. I started feeling guilty for leaving my 2 yr old crying in the hands of strangers, I felt like a devil & a very bad mother.” Oh! He is still so small, we should have waited till he was 3, will he keep crying for the entire 2 hrs, did he have something & so on & on &….the thoughts kept pinching me. I made a cup of tea & stood in the balcony glancing at the watch as the seconds passed by. Just kept counting when the earliest I could leave to get him back.

6 years on & time is back again but this time I am not planning anything for my 2 hrs free time cause I know the feeling. Its going to be tough for me as well. I have got so used to her, clinging on to me--mama this--mama that. No matter how angry you get at times or loose your patience but you just tend to catch up when she jumps on me & hugs me tight & looks at me with the feeling that she is in safe hands, the blind trust that a child has in you the security she feels when she is with me is all I can feel & I am going to miss that even if its for 2 hrs.

Though we tried to prepare her mentally by giving her the idea how you will go with the bag, the bottle, snack box etc…. the toys there to play, the friends & mama will be back home for short time just like bhaiya goes, but I still doubt whether my 2.5 yr old has understood & is ready for it, rather more so whether mama is ready for it. Irrespective of whether your child is 2, 2.5 or 3 the feeling is same the feeling is same when your kid goes to school for the first time. He is always too small for us & we will always be very protective about our kids. So right now I think I need to prepare myself more than her.