The Storm After the calm

At last came the first day of my daughter’s school. I pulled myself up with all the mental arms & ammunition as if going on a war. She didn’t seem to be much aware of what was going to happen & seemed to be fascinated with the bag-bottle stuff, the new dress & the snaps being clicked, she was enjoying to be the center of attraction which I guess she has got so used to it by now. The school came & just when I was ready for the pulling & yelling, surprisingly she went quietly with the ayah. I was literally shocked because this was the least I had expected, but in my heart I was very happy that I escaped the emotion of a bad mama leaving my daughter crying & blah..blah…When I went to pick her up I was told she cried just for a little while in between & then she was fine. But that didn’t bother me much after all I was saved from a big storm so this seemed to be very nominal.

Everyone was calling & checking on me how was her first day grandparents, his brother(7yr old) came back from school & was very excited to know, after all he had dutifully given a big lecture to her-- how to behave in school. Most of all her dad who had to be out of town to miss all the reactions. He was feeling very bad for missing ‘The Day‘. But job is job. I was feeling equally bad for him. For the first time I guess I had all my sympathies for him & was very please to be a housewife. I don’t have to miss any of my kid’s activities. Anyways I was gladly telling everyone she was very brave & on & on…….

Now came the 2nd day & after the calm came the storm. So now she understood what happens--Mama leaves me there--How dare she? So just when we entered the lane of her school she literally warned me---”Aanya’s school--- I go there---I will cry” And the school came & she kept her words, she cried-- she yelled--she howled----kicked did everything that I thought I had escaped.

Kids generally go from worst to worse to bad to good, my case was the opposite, it seemed to be going from good to bad to worse. The 3rd day, in the morning she got up & declared,-”I am not going to school”, in the manner --really threatening me. If you dare, get ready for the consequences. But I being a brave Mama I did dare to dress her up & then came the volcano, out went the shoes in the air & landed on the bed, the hanky, the bag & she lay flat on the ground. Just touch her & a bomb is ready to burst.

Finally I had to lie- left me with no other option. “Lets go & get the chocolate from mam & come back--won’t stay there“. So we reached school & the same episode to see that mama was going back from her words.

Today was the 4th day, at last the storm seems to have calmed a bit but can’t say about tomorrow. She always acts the unexpected. Keeping my fingers crossed & hoping she settles down fast.

Prethoughts of Preschool

Tomorrow is my daughter’s first day to school & I am having butterflies in my stomach. I don’t know how she is going to take it, how I am going to take it. She is my 2nd child so its not as if the situation is new for me, I have already faced it. Leaving my 2 yr son crying or rather howling at his full pitch & coming back was a torture for me as well. I remember my son as a very hyperactive child, he kept me on my toes 25hrs a day. So his going to preschool for a mere 2 hr seemed to me a relief. I planned out my schedule quiet enthusiastically. How I could finish off the important chores & then go for some reading, some surfing etc…. but when I came home & opened the door & that was it. The house seemed so empty & I didn’t feel like doing anything. I started feeling guilty for leaving my 2 yr old crying in the hands of strangers, I felt like a devil & a very bad mother.” Oh! He is still so small, we should have waited till he was 3, will he keep crying for the entire 2 hrs, did he have something & so on & on &….the thoughts kept pinching me. I made a cup of tea & stood in the balcony glancing at the watch as the seconds passed by. Just kept counting when the earliest I could leave to get him back.

6 years on & time is back again but this time I am not planning anything for my 2 hrs free time cause I know the feeling. Its going to be tough for me as well. I have got so used to her, clinging on to me--mama this--mama that. No matter how angry you get at times or loose your patience but you just tend to catch up when she jumps on me & hugs me tight & looks at me with the feeling that she is in safe hands, the blind trust that a child has in you the security she feels when she is with me is all I can feel & I am going to miss that even if its for 2 hrs.

Though we tried to prepare her mentally by giving her the idea how you will go with the bag, the bottle, snack box etc…. the toys there to play, the friends & mama will be back home for short time just like bhaiya goes, but I still doubt whether my 2.5 yr old has understood & is ready for it, rather more so whether mama is ready for it. Irrespective of whether your child is 2, 2.5 or 3 the feeling is same the feeling is same when your kid goes to school for the first time. He is always too small for us & we will always be very protective about our kids. So right now I think I need to prepare myself more than her.

Answering kids on Death

Answering your kid’s queries is the most complex task. He always has so many questions to ask & add to it he is particularly a very emotional boy so it becomes really very difficult. How to answer him so that he is not mentally disturbed also. When he was around 4 I tried telling, him that its nothing but you get new skin like new clothes. Relieved for a while but not for long, soon he came up with—Does it happen with everyone? I answered with a yes & that was enough to make him cry. I don’t want you to leave me, he said sobbingly. I didn’t have the guts to go ahead with the truth so I modified my statement to—If we take care of our self, our diet, body & exercise & keep fit we might escape it, & even if it happens we always get new skin & come back( thought could give him the fact in small doses).

Now that he is 7 he has understood a bit but he thinks a lot about it. Just the other day when I was at my parents for vacation the news of Satya Sai Baba’s demise
came. I don’t know whether he heard it in news or read it in paper about his claim that he was a rebirth of Sai Baba & will again take birth. At night he was again ready with his set of questions.

In a very emotional manner he asked, mama I am quiet worried, I asked him gently- ‘Why’--- If you come back again with new skin & again take birth how will I find & recognize you. I was speechless this time, I myself was so confused. I wanted him to sleep soundly so I answered him- Don’t worry, we come to know about it automatically..

But I am still not sure –the next time he comes up with another query what to answer him. Answering his question is not the tough part, but the mere mention of death makes him cry, he is so sensitive that its difficult to watch the TV news also. He cries & thinks so much when he hears or sees anything(flood, earthquakes, etc….) That is the toughest thing handling him. How do I tell him not to think about it when I myself think a lot.

A Small Attempt

A friend of my husband, attached to a NGO called'Wake Up India', asked us to join them to a visit to village called 'Vijaypur' for distributing old clothes, toys,eatables etc. in the 5 ashram's over there.

Hubby & I discussed it & decided to go for it as not only would it be a good cause but also mainly for our children, who(touchwood)live in entirely a different world. With a pool, remote controlled toys, cartoons, Wi & playstations to handle, Benten-spiderman dresses, movie parties- picnics, Mc Donalds & KFC is all they can think of. So we thought this might be an eye opener fot them, seeing the real world & maybe maybe they might start valuing what they have rather than grudge over that one toy which they didn't get.

So we told them we are going to a village & asked them to bring some toys(which they don't use) to give away--which I guess was the most difficult part for them. Suddenly all the toys even the broken ones) seemed to have become the most important ones & of immense use. Anyways packed some eatables & drinks & set off clubbing with 2 more families on the way & the NGO lady as well.

We reached Vijaypur after a drive of 2 hrs. The first ashram we went was 'The old age House'-asked our children to distribute the clothes & touch their feet & have their blessings. My son asked- why do they live here & not with their children? How do we explain him that these are the children who don't have time & money for parents who brought them into this world, looked after their wishes before their own needs. Then we went to an orphanage & kids who were mentally challenged. My son kept showering us with questions like where are their mom-dad? why did they leave them? How come these kids can't think properly?
These kids enjoyed the soft drinks & the snacks given to them as if it was something so valuable that was given to them. They relished everything given to them, on the contrary our kids take all this for so granted. We have to be really after them to finish lunch & dinner. This is one thing I wanted my kids to see & understand that you should thank God for whatever he has given & most importantly finish your meals & not waste them.

There was a lady with a 15day girl child whose husband had left her for giving birth to a girl. I felt like killing that man for such a coward act.`We had heard all such stories but seeing it in front of you, it was such a disappointing feeling that there are still people in our country who have such a narrow feeling. I wished I could change the mindset of these pepole & make them see that a girl child will love & care for them more than their son--there's an old saying

A son is a son till he gets his wife,
A daughter is a daughter for the rest of your life.

This doesn't mean that sons are bad because i know sons who are equally loving & caring but still.

Then we went to a blind school, where almost all kids from 2nd grade to graduation were getting education & most of them were very positive & confident that they would surely achieve something one day.That was a very positive feeling.

After all this activity we reached back home exhausted mentally & physically but quite satisfied. It felt good to have done something for them even if a very tiny contribution.

There was definitely some effect on kids too, though for a very short span because they were soon back to their normal life as even on the way back they were after us to stop for a bite & toy at the Mc Donald.

Vacation Time

At last my exams are over. I was never more happy not even when my exams used to finish. The relief when your kid's exams are over is indeed very different. Its not that I pressurise him or take tension, I mean once he revises his course he even goes out to play, he is normally free from my
side but you feel so free even if for time being only. So the vacations have started and both of them at home playing, fighting- friends coming over, entertaining them & their friends as well is really a job, I tell u. My free time has squeezed down more & I hardly get, 'My Time'. I had thought it would be vacation time for me also but its turning out to
be overtime for me specially because of the maid problem as well(this is a topic which deserves at least one independent blog-so for next time)and also my son's swimming classes.

Anyways I am enjoying this as well so what if I get to write after 1 month but I am having fun with my kids. So happy vacation to everyone.

8 New lives in our abode

A small house in a big house

Wait, wait before anyone starts guessing -guest or new babies--babies they are but of fishes. Oh! Yes we bought an aquarium with 8 fishes. One pair of course is the very common & always ravenous Gold fish, 2nd is the angel(the laziest one) & the other 2 are the butterfly & molly who seem to be the most naughty ones. They are always after the fins of the angel & gold fish.
My son wanted to have a pet, but living in an apartment dogs & cats were just out of my list. With 2 kids I don’t have time & energy left to attend them plus I am not very dog friendly, so fishes seemed to be good option with minimum care required.

They keep on moving the entire day, you sit to
observe them & time just passes by. One thing is for sure, they will not let you get bored. Believe me they are real stress busters. To see them swim, the way they go after the food, the way they go after each other its amazing to watch them. It gives you such a satisfied feeling, it just enlightens  your mood. Whenever anyone comes from outside be it my husband or my son they change & go directly to them. Even my 2and half year old wakes up & after the normal mama-milk needed, next she goes to the fishes. My son has given them his own names --Rocky, Angel, Petu & I forget the rest of them. I will have to ask him again. Feeding fish  has become a bonding moment--all of us sit down when its their food time to observe their reactions. They are the new family members.

A day that seemed so long

Some days seem to be so loo…ng. Actually it all started on a Saturday afternoon., hubby was out of town. After lunch my son insisted we go to club for  badminton game & so I did. Fine till now we came back & door was just not opening with the keys. Rushed to the office- the maintenance  & again the office (with 2 kids clinging on to me) and after half an hour finally managed to get the door opened ( some adjustment problem) & repaired. Went to sleep-we get up & the cable is gone-called up my friend just to find out that it was only ours. So again called up cable service operator got it done & then started the wheezing & cough. By night it just started getting bad- I took some medicine, some home remedies & went to sleep thinking it would be better by morning, but by morning it just got worse & soon breathing was becoming a task. My daughter’s too small to understand but my son seemed worried, finally I called my friend who is also a dentist, she took me to hospital and I was given nebulisation & was fine & discharged by afternoon. By night my husband returned( had informed him as well). Just 24 hours & so much had happened it seemed the day would never end till he came back. One day in hospital you get to see so much. I had gone to the emergency ward & saw people literally on the death bed, relatives in stress, attitude of doctors & nurses. One thing I observed was that male nurses were much much more sensitive, polite & caring then the female. I saw female nurses shouting at the relatives of patients who were unconscious. They seemed to be emotionless & rude. The scene & the environment is really very disheartening & all of sudden you start feeling more & more love for your loved & dear ones. You just want to be with them & spend more & more time with them, you start valuing them more. It makes you think what are people really running after money, power & what for. In the end nothing counts its only how much you invested in your relationships, your friends.
A friend is someone who is there for you when he'd rather be anywhere else.
And this was so true in my case, my friend who took me to hospital had kids, husband & guest at home to attend to when she was there with me.