Innocent Laughter medicines

My 3 yr old princess ordered before going to school that she wants her hair to be combed into 2 ponies to which I agreed instantly but was surprised as I had earlier tried it & she had been very firm with her “NO”. Anyways I was more than happy to make her ponies as one of the reason I wanted a girl was that we can dress them up & literally adorn them into different styles.
In the afternoon when I went to pick her up she was very happy & on the way back home she blushingly told me that she went & showed her new hairstyle to her friend ( a boy -of course) and he said “Aanya Soni Soni”( very beautiful). As usual I shared it with my husband & we enjoyed our evening tea with a crispy laugh. But that was not it next day morning the order was again repeated & this time she made the reason clear, I will go & show it to J & he will again say Aanya looking very nice.
There are so many of her cute & innocent saying which really make my day, even if for a short span, I forget all my tensions. I want to record all of these innocent humor so that when my kids grow up & are busy in their lives I will have these lovely laughter medicines. Almost every hour she produces one of her unique laughter remedies which are indeed so valuable to me.
Just today morning while I was taking her to school there was cow dung on the side of the road, (if you have been to India, you know its common here). My daughter observed it & said-”Mom look there is potty on road, this is not the place to do it, potty should be done at home, don’t they know this mama- outside home we go to school, we go for shopping not potty.”
Just yesterday my 8 yr old son was telling me, mom I & friend (but ofcourse a girl) wished how gud it would be if we are together in our college also.
Kids nowdays are so sharp & observant. Going back in our times we didn’t have this kind of thinking even when we were in our teens . Compared to today’s generation I think I was real dumbo.

The Halloween party

I know this post on Halloween is a bit delayed but better late than never so here it is. Come Oct31 & my son who is 8 yr old seemed to be more enthu about it than Diwali or any other festival. I mean 2 months before he was ready with his mask & sword & the final countdown began when it was 10 days to go & finally when the day came he was all set. equally enthu about it was I ( at least had to show him that) I painted him in black & red colors with his mask on. A big discussion went on as to which dress to wear. Finally zeroed on a all black one. My 3 yr old did not want to be left so even if she stayed at home she got herself painted as well. At last all ready he went for his trick or treat. Had a showdown with his group of friends but the gud part was that the fight didn’t pull him back. My confident boy was out alone with his trick or treat from door to door. When he came at our door he was like you can give whatever you want but because you are my mom I would be really happy if you could treat me with a can of cold drink. So his emotional mom story did work & he got his drink. He came back at 10 in the night with his bag full of goodies, happy & satisfied with his earnings & equally proud was I as he came to me & handed a big tobulerene from his bag to me saying mom this is for you. His sister caught him on the doorway & she let him in only when he gave her, her quota of hafta. The shine in his eyes of achieving something big, his bag full of hardwork. He is not even eating it just keeping next to his pillow & has almost daily fights over it with his sister.

ToughTimes

Its been long long time since I visited my own blog. So many things going on in life some good but more bad, I guess. Mental and physical stress that leads one to depression. Though kids are real stress buster but poor fellows at times they are the ones who face the vent of anger and depression. No matter how much I try to forgive & forget, to keep the past at my back but they keep coming back. So much so you don’t feel like doing anything creative or experimenting or even blogging. When your mind is not clear nothing seems to interest you. I had read this --Tough times seldom last but tough people do. I am trying my best to be tough & forget past & do my duty so that at least I don’t have any guilt & my mind is clear. Life does seem to be stagnant at the point nothing new & exciting- patience at almost its brim. I know to be happy I have to quit complaining & remembering those negative haunting memories but how do I do it. They keep coming back & disturb me but then a piece of philosophy I read really helps me-

People are unreasonable, illogical
Love them anyway
If you do good people will accuse you of selfish motive
Do good anyway
Good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow
Do good anyway
Honesty & frankness make you vulnerable
Be honest & frank anyway
Give the world the best you have & you will be kicked
Give the best anyway

Everyone has problems (big or small) & every problem has a limited time span so gathering all the patience I can I just prey to God to guide me to know when to hold on & when to let go & the grace to make right decision with dignity--Amen

The Storm After the calm

At last came the first day of my daughter’s school. I pulled myself up with all the mental arms & ammunition as if going on a war. She didn’t seem to be much aware of what was going to happen & seemed to be fascinated with the bag-bottle stuff, the new dress & the snaps being clicked, she was enjoying to be the center of attraction which I guess she has got so used to it by now. The school came & just when I was ready for the pulling & yelling, surprisingly she went quietly with the ayah. I was literally shocked because this was the least I had expected, but in my heart I was very happy that I escaped the emotion of a bad mama leaving my daughter crying & blah..blah…When I went to pick her up I was told she cried just for a little while in between & then she was fine. But that didn’t bother me much after all I was saved from a big storm so this seemed to be very nominal.

Everyone was calling & checking on me how was her first day grandparents, his brother(7yr old) came back from school & was very excited to know, after all he had dutifully given a big lecture to her-- how to behave in school. Most of all her dad who had to be out of town to miss all the reactions. He was feeling very bad for missing ‘The Day‘. But job is job. I was feeling equally bad for him. For the first time I guess I had all my sympathies for him & was very please to be a housewife. I don’t have to miss any of my kid’s activities. Anyways I was gladly telling everyone she was very brave & on & on…….

Now came the 2nd day & after the calm came the storm. So now she understood what happens--Mama leaves me there--How dare she? So just when we entered the lane of her school she literally warned me---”Aanya’s school--- I go there---I will cry” And the school came & she kept her words, she cried-- she yelled--she howled----kicked did everything that I thought I had escaped.

Kids generally go from worst to worse to bad to good, my case was the opposite, it seemed to be going from good to bad to worse. The 3rd day, in the morning she got up & declared,-”I am not going to school”, in the manner --really threatening me. If you dare, get ready for the consequences. But I being a brave Mama I did dare to dress her up & then came the volcano, out went the shoes in the air & landed on the bed, the hanky, the bag & she lay flat on the ground. Just touch her & a bomb is ready to burst.

Finally I had to lie- left me with no other option. “Lets go & get the chocolate from mam & come back--won’t stay there“. So we reached school & the same episode to see that mama was going back from her words.

Today was the 4th day, at last the storm seems to have calmed a bit but can’t say about tomorrow. She always acts the unexpected. Keeping my fingers crossed & hoping she settles down fast.

Prethoughts of Preschool

Tomorrow is my daughter’s first day to school & I am having butterflies in my stomach. I don’t know how she is going to take it, how I am going to take it. She is my 2nd child so its not as if the situation is new for me, I have already faced it. Leaving my 2 yr son crying or rather howling at his full pitch & coming back was a torture for me as well. I remember my son as a very hyperactive child, he kept me on my toes 25hrs a day. So his going to preschool for a mere 2 hr seemed to me a relief. I planned out my schedule quiet enthusiastically. How I could finish off the important chores & then go for some reading, some surfing etc…. but when I came home & opened the door & that was it. The house seemed so empty & I didn’t feel like doing anything. I started feeling guilty for leaving my 2 yr old crying in the hands of strangers, I felt like a devil & a very bad mother.” Oh! He is still so small, we should have waited till he was 3, will he keep crying for the entire 2 hrs, did he have something & so on & on &….the thoughts kept pinching me. I made a cup of tea & stood in the balcony glancing at the watch as the seconds passed by. Just kept counting when the earliest I could leave to get him back.

6 years on & time is back again but this time I am not planning anything for my 2 hrs free time cause I know the feeling. Its going to be tough for me as well. I have got so used to her, clinging on to me--mama this--mama that. No matter how angry you get at times or loose your patience but you just tend to catch up when she jumps on me & hugs me tight & looks at me with the feeling that she is in safe hands, the blind trust that a child has in you the security she feels when she is with me is all I can feel & I am going to miss that even if its for 2 hrs.

Though we tried to prepare her mentally by giving her the idea how you will go with the bag, the bottle, snack box etc…. the toys there to play, the friends & mama will be back home for short time just like bhaiya goes, but I still doubt whether my 2.5 yr old has understood & is ready for it, rather more so whether mama is ready for it. Irrespective of whether your child is 2, 2.5 or 3 the feeling is same the feeling is same when your kid goes to school for the first time. He is always too small for us & we will always be very protective about our kids. So right now I think I need to prepare myself more than her.

Answering kids on Death

Answering your kid’s queries is the most complex task. He always has so many questions to ask & add to it he is particularly a very emotional boy so it becomes really very difficult. How to answer him so that he is not mentally disturbed also. When he was around 4 I tried telling, him that its nothing but you get new skin like new clothes. Relieved for a while but not for long, soon he came up with—Does it happen with everyone? I answered with a yes & that was enough to make him cry. I don’t want you to leave me, he said sobbingly. I didn’t have the guts to go ahead with the truth so I modified my statement to—If we take care of our self, our diet, body & exercise & keep fit we might escape it, & even if it happens we always get new skin & come back( thought could give him the fact in small doses).

Now that he is 7 he has understood a bit but he thinks a lot about it. Just the other day when I was at my parents for vacation the news of Satya Sai Baba’s demise
came. I don’t know whether he heard it in news or read it in paper about his claim that he was a rebirth of Sai Baba & will again take birth. At night he was again ready with his set of questions.

In a very emotional manner he asked, mama I am quiet worried, I asked him gently- ‘Why’--- If you come back again with new skin & again take birth how will I find & recognize you. I was speechless this time, I myself was so confused. I wanted him to sleep soundly so I answered him- Don’t worry, we come to know about it automatically..

But I am still not sure –the next time he comes up with another query what to answer him. Answering his question is not the tough part, but the mere mention of death makes him cry, he is so sensitive that its difficult to watch the TV news also. He cries & thinks so much when he hears or sees anything(flood, earthquakes, etc….) That is the toughest thing handling him. How do I tell him not to think about it when I myself think a lot.

A Small Attempt

A friend of my husband, attached to a NGO called'Wake Up India', asked us to join them to a visit to village called 'Vijaypur' for distributing old clothes, toys,eatables etc. in the 5 ashram's over there.

Hubby & I discussed it & decided to go for it as not only would it be a good cause but also mainly for our children, who(touchwood)live in entirely a different world. With a pool, remote controlled toys, cartoons, Wi & playstations to handle, Benten-spiderman dresses, movie parties- picnics, Mc Donalds & KFC is all they can think of. So we thought this might be an eye opener fot them, seeing the real world & maybe maybe they might start valuing what they have rather than grudge over that one toy which they didn't get.

So we told them we are going to a village & asked them to bring some toys(which they don't use) to give away--which I guess was the most difficult part for them. Suddenly all the toys even the broken ones) seemed to have become the most important ones & of immense use. Anyways packed some eatables & drinks & set off clubbing with 2 more families on the way & the NGO lady as well.

We reached Vijaypur after a drive of 2 hrs. The first ashram we went was 'The old age House'-asked our children to distribute the clothes & touch their feet & have their blessings. My son asked- why do they live here & not with their children? How do we explain him that these are the children who don't have time & money for parents who brought them into this world, looked after their wishes before their own needs. Then we went to an orphanage & kids who were mentally challenged. My son kept showering us with questions like where are their mom-dad? why did they leave them? How come these kids can't think properly?
These kids enjoyed the soft drinks & the snacks given to them as if it was something so valuable that was given to them. They relished everything given to them, on the contrary our kids take all this for so granted. We have to be really after them to finish lunch & dinner. This is one thing I wanted my kids to see & understand that you should thank God for whatever he has given & most importantly finish your meals & not waste them.

There was a lady with a 15day girl child whose husband had left her for giving birth to a girl. I felt like killing that man for such a coward act.`We had heard all such stories but seeing it in front of you, it was such a disappointing feeling that there are still people in our country who have such a narrow feeling. I wished I could change the mindset of these pepole & make them see that a girl child will love & care for them more than their son--there's an old saying

A son is a son till he gets his wife,
A daughter is a daughter for the rest of your life.

This doesn't mean that sons are bad because i know sons who are equally loving & caring but still.

Then we went to a blind school, where almost all kids from 2nd grade to graduation were getting education & most of them were very positive & confident that they would surely achieve something one day.That was a very positive feeling.

After all this activity we reached back home exhausted mentally & physically but quite satisfied. It felt good to have done something for them even if a very tiny contribution.

There was definitely some effect on kids too, though for a very short span because they were soon back to their normal life as even on the way back they were after us to stop for a bite & toy at the Mc Donald.